10 November, 2008

Lucknow ka Ladka (LL)

From the moment I set eyes on him, everything was wrong. His glossy purple striped shirt. His inexcusably tight pants. His face which uncannily reminded me of things I had learnt to forget. His in your face rudraksh mala wound around his wrist. Yes everything was very wrong with LL.

He had the emotional bandwidth of a doorknob, so obsessed with himself was he that he thought the horizon ended at his upturned nose. Every sentence began with a crib and ended in a tragic ‘i-am-so-unlucky’ whimper. Perseverance was a word he didn’t recognize, self absorption peppered with unflattering quantities of self pity was his specialty and he actually thought being courteous wasn’t in fashion. He had that irritating way of pronouncing twelve as “twel”, licking his chapped lips in quick obnoxious flicks of the tongue. One day, confronted with an exceptionally spectacular view of Kinnaur’s mighty mountains, we were collectively sighing at the scenic beauty. Later, a very worried harrassed LL said, “Arre itna sunder tha ki mein dekhta hi reh gaya. Photo toh kheench hi nahi paya. Faltu ho gaya.” That, in all its pathetic glory, sums up LL’s depth as a person.

Two months after LL’s torturous company, he decided to be generous to his surroundings and resigned. I thought I’d be delighted and for some blissful days I actually was. But as the last few days of his tenure cam to an end, a disturbingly comfortable camaraderie sprung up between us. We actually caught ourselves laughing with each other (that, in my understanding, is the hugest indicator of compatibility), devouring innumerable thaalis at our favourite Dhaba in Tapri (its this tiny place sandwiched between - A One Tailors, Golden Star Jammu Tailors and Meena Tailors), having impromptu drinking parties, listening to music (we discovered some songs that both of us liked).

Of course there were spouts of irritation that made their presence felt. His idiotic ideas surfaced from time to time (eg. I ordered an omlette on a Tuesday and LL instantly springs up, “Mangalvaar ko anda? Kya tum bhagwaan mein vishwaas nahin rakhti?” The connection between a cooked egg and god that he grasped so easily was completely lost on me.). He still walks with an irritating swagger. Still speaks terrible English with his call centre accent. Still does not bother who’s walking behind him and just slams doors in his wake, makes alarming noises while eating, talks so loudly that embarrassment makes you resemble a beetroot.

Yes he’s all that but something more too. The last few days with LL showed me that. Situations. Moods. Perspective. They do weird things to your convictions.

PS: He was sitting around as I was scribbling and asked, “Kya kahani bana rahi ho?”
“Blog post.”
“Woh kya hota hai?”
I knew my story was safe.


  1. 'Cmon. The guy doesn't seem that bad as you make him out to be. Moreover, he is from Lucknow. So he can't be bad at all. That is for sure.

    Good thing he doesn't know about blogs and their posts. Must have had a heart attack after reading this. And insaniyat ke upar se vishwaas ka to poochiye hi na.

  2. lol.. reminds me of the big bang theory :)

  3. nice post, esp with the post-script making it most interesting.

    good to see u back! :)

  4. touching :)

    in a funny way :P

  5. Its raining men!

    Marvin: Do YOU know him? 'He's not as bad as you make him out to be.' Baah. And I am pooching: What about insaaniyat ke upar se vishwas? :P

    Haru: The BIg Bang Theory...hmmm...I'm trying very hard to get the connection...ummm..ok no I don't get it.

    Abhi: Good to see YOU back. I was here all the while.

    psmith: Touching? Heh heh.

  6. Oh, I do not know him personally but I have heard a lot about him. I even know that he is a big fan of Gulzar songs (though that doesn't make him any better) and is devout guy.

    Ab aur to aap hi behtar jaanti hongi. Itne haseen lamhe jo vyateet kiye hain saath mein. Isliye gustaakhi maaf agar kahin chook hui ho toh.

    No use making me divulge some ugly details on a public forum. He got tired of the mountains, yes. But who precipitated his fall from grace through some loose talk? Rumours abound.

    But then again. Forum. Public. Restraint. Exercised.

  7. Just the kind of read I needed after reading comprehension passages :|

    Apart from that welcome back to the blogosphere!

  8. Marvin: Behave. Shhhh. But the part I played was more of wishful thinking than loose talk.

    pd: Comprehension passages? Has the GRE bug got to you too?

  9. that made for an interestin read... :)

    and as far as pd is concerned, he is the proverbila mouse tryin to bell da CAT.. ;P

  10. chandni: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Bang_Theory_(TV_series)

  11. alien: Aha the CAT. I see.

    Haru: Umm ok. NOW makes sense :)

  12. Anonymous5:51 am

    haha nice post..
    agrees with Marvin
    He could not have been that bad :P
    and "twel" definitely from a different zipcode lawl(lol)
    "tumhein poochna chahiye tha ki barabanki,rae barelli ya phir sultanpur ka toh nahin hai" lawl
    and hey quit being mean to Lucknow ke Ladkey, what if he gets a blOAg (pronounced blow-g,suiting the description you gave us)then ??!?!
    anywho, keep up the good work

    Nishant (LL supreme, and u know it)

  13. LL supreme (ha ha ha at that):

    Actually I've met enough LLs to realise that Lucknow definitely produces a different, very disturbing variety of ladke :P

    @lawl: see u also belong to the LL category..its almost as bad as his twel.



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